Of Kings and Squalor
During the second leg of our pilgrimage the natives continued their moiety trading competition. The moiety led by Kaar'hen somehow got their hand on a bar chair, while Daav's moiety picked up a tub of bubble gum and a toaster oven. Strangely, Daav still retained ownership of the much acclaimed Rickard's Red sign, which makes one wonder how it was a trade. I have it from a reliable source that his moiety was exchanging 'intimate' favors for the newly acquired goods. I sure hope the Waterlooian Association of Trade (WAT) doesn't hear about this. At any rate, it was yet another impressive haul.
In order to reach the next sacred
waypoint in our journey, the natives and I had to travel along the infamous
"Path of Kings". Little more than a shabby trail, you might
expect a road with such a regal name to be of higher quality. Yet, such
things do not concern these people, as they have developed a philosophy
that helps them to cope under these conditions. Following the principles
of stoodhen'tlyfe, the natives have standards so low that no level of
disorder or disrepair can possibly faze them. One can see conclusive
evidence of this belief by merely observing their homes. I speculate that
this coping mechanism has its roots in the myths of the natives, which describe
a time of oppression under the rule of the two wicked demons: mah'thur
and fah'thur. It is said that, during these dark times, the natives
were forced to perform all manner of laborious tasks that infringed on their
god-given rights to laze about and be generally useless. This
exploitation lasted close to twenty winters, until the ancestral Waterlooians
rose up against the demons and escaped to this place with the help of the good
spirit Oh-saap*. Therefore, the theme of disorder we see permeating
the Waterlooian culture is reinforced through myth, and simultaneously allows
the natives to cope in this harsh, desolate place.
Thankfully, our voyage along
that torturous trail was relatively brief and we soon arrived at the second
sacred temple: fyllz. Known as the "Temple of Squalor",
this holy place lives up to its name in so many ways. The Waterlooians
have a saying that, in order to survive a stay at the temple, "one must
look neither up, nor down, but straight ahead." Concentrating
ahead of oneself might be symbolic of piety; not being led astray by potentially
polluting distractions. That, or the temple is so filthy that you won't be
able to keep your beverages down. Either way it is good advice. The
center of the temple is devoted (no pun intended) to trance dancing induced by
the imbibing of intoxicating liquids. 'Blessings' could be obtained for as
little as a buck seventy five. The natural source of these liquids must be
relatively close to the temple because their cost is so unbelievably low.
Another possibility is that they are watered down, something not unheard of in
these savage lands.
The temple was rather dark, and
it was often difficult to move because of the poor lighting and the close
quarters of the temple's patrons. In fact, there were so many people
at the temple that we were forced to stand outside for close to twenty minutes.
At this point, the tub of gum was distributed in potlatch style to all the
people in line. You might expect such generosity to have increased the
prestige of the donators, but the fashion with which the gum was distributed
(being thrown into a crown and yelling 'scramble') just annoyed people.
Once the tub was empty, Shaw'nah turned it into a helmet, presumably for
protect from retaliation of those who were just pelted with hard bubble gum and
Pud comics. We finally obtained admittance around 9:00pm and took our
seats at the back on the left side, as would appear to be customary with this
group. The 'left' side, in most cultures, is considered to be
polluting and dangerous, and so it is odd that my companions keep choosing to
sit there. Perhaps right and left do not have auspicious and polluting
associations in Waterlooian society. Or, perhaps the definitions have been
reversed, keeping with the theme of disorder discussed above. I have
little evidence to to support either hypothesis.
It was after we had seated
ourselves that I first took notice of the extreme amount of diversity present in
the temple in respect to individual dress and grooming preferences. Unlike
my group of pilgrims wearing the traditionally decorated white shirts, the other
natives were much more freely dressed. Clothing of all manner of shapes,
sizes (some much too small for the wearer) and colours could be seen through the
smoky haze. Everyone looked excited to be part of this gathering.
Using some of my recently acquired primate observation skills, I was able to
decipher some of the behavior I was witnessing. I recorded dozens of
play-faces, combined with friendly approaches by both sexes. Physical
contact was very common by this point, especially on the trance-floor, where men
and women were gyrating against each other in a most indecent fashion. I
observed Teefanee doing this with Kaar'hen, and then she made
advances toward me. As strangely erotic as it might have been, I was still
a stranger to this place and culture and felt uncomfortable. Kaar'hen
fell out of favour with Teefanee later during the stay after spilling one
of Teefanee's 'blessings'; a cardinal sin, if there is such a concept in
Waterlooian language. I also witnessed strange mate-attraction
rituals being performed, most notably by the men. The ritual involved the
imbibing of a particularly large gulp of a beverage, then tilting one's head
back and making a wooping sound at the top of one's lungs. Daav was
the only one of the group I was with who participated in this activity, and he
did so with impressive vigor. I'm not sure how that could possibly
be attractive to a mate, but I am not in any position to judge their sexual
preferences. It is also significant that Daav's mate, Tiki Tonic,
had joined our group by this point, along with Tiki Gin and Teena.
Tiki Tonic did not seem at all bothered by Daav's solicitation,
which may suggest accepted polygyny among the Waterlooians. The fact
that Tiki Tonic and Tiki Gin were all over each other during our
stay at the temple somewhat supports this hypothesis. Almost makes one
want to be a native.
The music being played at the temple is worth a brief mention. In essence, there was very little substance to most of the music being played, consisting mainly of a steady, rhythmic beat. A few of the songs had lyrics, which the entire temple sung in unison in most cases. Trances seemed to coincide with the music, and changed pace as the music changed. There is no question that the intoxicant induced trances occur during periods of semi-unconsciousness, for no sane person would allow themselves to look so ridiculous in front of so many people. Uncontrolled, incoherent babble is another behaviour seen in trancers, as I observed when Kaar'hen approached me, eyes rolled back and foaming at the mouth, and muttered: "Eym go'ng tew paasowt!" My translators claimed they were unable to interpret her speech for me, though they giggled when I relayed the quote.... Rufus the Dog Faced Boy is the name I gave to the native who approached Traesee on the trance-floor and tried to gyrate with her. He also stole Shaw'nah's beloved helmet. Against my better anthropological judgment I decided to intervene and, in doing so, managed to snap a picture of Rufus's reaction to my presence (see Plate XXVII). Luckily he was so frightened that he dropped the helmet and ran off. Traesee seemed heartbroken that I had frightened Rufus so, and did not speak to me for some time. She was also upset, I'm told, that they didn't play any Kenny G or Yanni.
My ethnographic notes were
stolen at one point by Meahg and Teena, providing me with an
amusing break from note-taking. I was worried that some of the things
written in them might offend the Waterlooians, but as it turns out, the two of
them couldn't read anyways, and the notes were returned promptly. Trading
of the necklaces and armbands also occurred at the Temple of Squalor. Some
of the natives not on the pilgrimage approached and asked about the white shirts
and adornments. Trinkets were exchanged for anything from blessings to
tobacco, to mini-prophylactics. Daav seemed much too happy about that
trade. The necklaces and armbands are important symbols of friendship,
alliance and, in some cases, childhood. It was a shock to hear that
they would eventually be eaten. I had managed to accumulate four such
trinkets by the time we got to fyllz and was reluctant to part with them.
However, the clever charms of Teena convinced me to part with two of
them; one each for Teena and Meahg. In the process of
removing the necklaces I managed to spill some of Meahg's beverage, an
insult I quickly remedied by exchanging my new beverage for hers. An
ethnographer must not only be observant and relative minded, but also know how
to kiss native ass to avoid being boiled in a pot.
* It is interesting to note that not all of the
natives agreed on the details of this myth. Some reported only single god,
while others reported the spirit Oh-saap to be absent altogether and
secretly cursed those who believed in him.
End Part III